Time Stood Still
by Adriana Morgan
Summary: Alternate pairing done in Miaka's POV. Miaka reflects back on the wasted years and a single moment in time.


Time Stood Still

Disclaimer: Usual one, I don't own anything….unfortunately ^_^

I watched from a distance as he sat there, fishing pole in hand. He always looked so peaceful just sitting there staring out across the water. I liked to imagine that he was thinking about me but I knew that wasn't the case. There were so many reasons why he would never see me as more than a child. 

            Our ages were a factor, I suppose. I was only a girl of fifteen and he a grown man of twenty-four. He had seen so much of the world and I had barely seen anything of either world. He knew the evil that lurked in people's hearts where I truly believed that everyone was a good person at heart. 

            So you see we were two completely different people. That didn't stop me from loving him though. No, I could sooner stop breathing than stop my heart from speeding up whenever he walked into a room. Than stop the hope that filled my heart when he would look my way. That blasted mask always hid his real face. Keeping me in the dark about what he was thinking or feeling. 

            When I first met him I thought him strange. I mean, what normal person has a constantly smiling face like that? And when he removed it to reveal an exact duplicate I almost fainted. But once I got to know him I realized what a special person he really was. Being around him was thrilling. The gentleness of him was apparent but underneath that lay a restrained strength and passion. 

            I used to imagine that he did love me secretly and that we were keeping our feelings disguised for the good of the group. He would find small ways to touch me. Always greeting me by grabbing my hands and holding on tight. I never knew quite what to think about that. I longed to ask him what was in his heart but I was afraid. 

            Afraid of his answer and afraid of my own strong emotions. It was a different kind of feeling than what I had for Tamahome. What I felt for Chichiri was like fire. That's the best way I can describe it. Merely being around him was like a fire smoldering in my body.  Sometimes I would feel that if I didn't touch him, if only a brush of hand against hand, that I would die. Those times I had to get away, to run from the room and hide. 

            Then one day something changed. It was a morning just like any other. I had gone to the pond to watch from a distance as Chichiri sat meditating by the still pond. I know I must have looked stupid, just sitting there staring at him as he stared at something in the distance. 

            I was just getting up to leave when I saw him turn his head. He had heard me! My heart had skipped a beat and I froze, afraid to even breathe. But then he called out to me and I silently went to sit beside him. 

            We didn't say anything, just sat there for a while not looking at each other. I jumped when I felt his hand close over mine and I looked up to see his maskless face staring down into mine. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and I couldn't say anything. Because in his eye I saw…love. 

            We didn't have to say what was in our hearts; it was as if we could read each other's minds. Tears filled my own eyes as I realized things could never work out between us. Not because we didn't love one another but because we were so very different. He could not freely love me when his past tortured him so and I could not ask him to merely forget about part of what had made him into the man he was. 

            So I said nothing as he leaned down to kiss me gently, his lips barely grazing mine before leaving. When I opened my eyes I saw the sadness that filled his and I gave him a tremulous smile. 

            He returned my smile and squeezed my hand gently before returning his mask to its usual place. I leaned my head against his shoulder as our gazes turned to the water wishing that time could stand still. For in that moment is the only time I have ever been truly happy. 

            Soon our little world was interrupted and things went back to the way they were. I pushed aside my feelings for him and allowed myself to love Tamahome. I know it was selfish of me but I needed him. I needed him to help me forget about the man that I couldn't have. 

            Tamahome and I were happy and in time I forgot about my love for Chichiri. I built my world around Tamahome and shunned anything that might interrupt that world. 

            He told me, years later, that he knew about my and Chichiri's feelings for one another. That in fact he, Tamahome, had been in love with another. He had given her up for me, feeling that I needed him more. We wasted so many years, lying to each other and ourselves. 

            We had agreed to find those that we had lost so many years ago. I don't know how he did it, but Tamahome brought home a copy of the Universe of the Four Gods. I don't blame you if you don't believe me, I could barely believe it myself and I was staring right at it. He held it out to me and reminded me that once Chichiri and Tasuki were able to come to my world, our world, by concentrating on my backpack.   He then handed me a plain white shirt, a shirt that I had stolen so long ago.

            I had looked at him in surprise and he had merely smiled, placing the material in my hands. He had then kissed me gently and told me to be happy. His warm smile was the last thing I saw as Suzaku's red light surrounded me.

            So now here I stand, in the same spot I stood in nearly ten years ago, watching the only man I have ever truly loved. He has a fishing pole in his hands and is staring at something in the distance. I lift a foot to begin to walk towards him when he turns his head. I smile and continue moving, stopping to sit down beside him. 

            Nothing is said as we watch the skyline and I jump slightly as his hand closes over mine. I look up to see his maskless face staring into mine and I smile. The years have changed him but not overly much. There are laugh lines around his eyes and I am glad. Glad of the evidence that he has had a happy life since I've been gone. 

            He leans down and kisses me gently, his lips barely grazing mine before leaving. As his head lifts from mine, my hand comes up and wraps around his neck, pulling him down until he lips touch mine once more. 

            When we part, I don't see sadness in his eyes, I see the deep overwhelming love he holds for me. We don't have to say anything, it's as if we can read each other's minds and I know things are going to work out between us. He had finally resolved the guilt of his tortured past and I am thankful to love the man he is today. 

            His mask lies on the ground beside him. I lean my head against his shoulder as we turn our gazes back over the water and I feel him squeeze my hand gently. But I don't wish that time could stop because I know, for us, it already has. 


End file.
